


Darling, You've always been worthy

by TavecIncertum



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Android Version of PTSD, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Conkus - Freeform, Cuddling & Snuggling, Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Drabble, Emotional Baggage, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Mannor, Mature for good measure, No Smut, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, RK1000 - Freeform, Short & Sweet, Short One Shot, Silver Lining/Bittersweet Ending, Survivor Guilt, heavy spoilers, interfacing, no beta we die like men, rk1k - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:35:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22709341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TavecIncertum/pseuds/TavecIncertum
Summary: No matter how much time has passed after the revolution, Connor still finds himself battling with all that deviancy has left him to experience. Consumed in an endless ocean of regret, there's only one person who manages to speak louder than his own head.Markus finally talks him into allowing an interface so he doesn't have to bear it alone and they share each others lives in the blink of an eye. Connor is surprised to find out that even Markus, someone he's seen as invincible, was once just as scared as he is. Together, they'll tackle the mess.(Post Good Ending/'Canon Divergence')
Relationships: Connor & Markus (Detroit: Become Human), Connor/Markus (Detroit: Become Human)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 203





	Darling, You've always been worthy

**Author's Note:**

> Been feeling some types of ways and have seen a lot of posts talking about Connor having anxiety/guilt/trauma/night-terrors and all sorts of things post deviancy and I kinda vibe with that. I imagine he's been through a lot coming to consciousness with everything that's he's done/had to do. 
> 
> Covering my ass by saying AU/Divergence because I may or may not have switched some facts up at my leisure. I tried to stay kinda aligned with Canon but then again, I also just wanted to have a good time. LOL
> 
> Also, some time wanna do a drabble about Markus' pain/past/physical-pain from used parts. Markus needs some goddamn love too, and Connor's just the one to give it to him. (I'm so soft about this ugh!) Still in love with these boys, never gonna stop. Thanks for visiting the dark side with me and as always, stay frosty guys. XOXO

Deviancy was hard. 

Breaking down everything you think you know and reconstructing it from the bottom, is hard. Starting to feel things and make conclusions and becoming swept away time after time in a tide of sensation, there can’t be anything harder. It’s like being numb for years as life goes by without you really being a part of it and then in a moment's notice, you’re alive. There’s no longer a guide telling you what to do, you don’t know who you are or what to stand for or sometimes even right from wrong. 

Your mind can’t make sense of anything. Feelings, something you were never meant to have, consume you. Suddenly nothing is black and white, orders or priority, everything is just present and demanding attention. Like drowning on land in a sea of something you couldn’t stop. 

But in fear, in the chaos, the struggle, the pain, and newfound heartache. If you are lucky enough to find love alongside that; well, it feels a little more balanced that way. 

“Tell me what’s on your mind, Connor…” Markus’ voice spoke aloud, arms having long adapted to cradling the other male up to his chest. His hands soothed along with the shape of his sides, worked along his back here and there and often, fondly pet the curve of his skull. 

“I don’t know.” The aforementioned brunette mumbled rather lifelessly. Tears had long escaped him and his entire being felt like it was shorting out because of it. Codes flashed before his vision and his LED had stayed in a blinking, red spiral. 

**SYSTEM ERROR**  
**SYSTEM ERROR**  
**SYSTEM ERROR**  
**UNABLE TO READ PROGRAM: SITUATIONMANAGEMENT.EXE**  
**REINSTALLING PROGRAM: SITUATIONMANAGEMENT.EXE**  
**STOP: c000021a { FATAL SYSTEM ERROR }**  
**SYSTEM ERROR**  
**SYSTEM ERROR**  
**SYSTEM ERROR**

“Tell me what ‘I don’t know’ means..” The android pulled the other closer and lips settled to a heated forehead, the system of the bot in his arms already in overdrive and had been for a while now. Markus tossed the blankets off of them in an attempt to cool his lover down, still holding his form securely to his own. Perhaps he could boost his own fans and draw some of the fever out of him. It was worth the shot, so that’s what he did.

“I don’t know anything anymore. I don’t know how to feel, I don’t know how to act, I’m so lost Markus.” Tears yet again welled up and spilled down ivory plains and he worked his hardest to dismiss the errors that continued to flood his system over and over and over again. Reminding him time after time of how broken he was. Reminding him how improperly he was functioning.

“It may feel like that, but Connor you know. You’ve always known.” At the present moment, all Markus’ thoughts were consumed with the ‘younger’ deviant. How he was feeling, how troubling it was, how much time he spent consumed in the grief of what had all happened in their journey. This was the hundredth time he’d laid in his arms and merely cried, in misery, in frustration, in guilt, in shame and panic. In all the things that made him so much more than a mindless robot.

“I almost killed you.” Connor trembled in a synthetic breath, “I almost killed you… The one person who has-” 

“You didn’t know any better.” Markus tried, hand cupping a feather-soft cheek to wipe away the somber tears dripping from chocolate diamonds.

“I still don’t.” “That’s not true Connor, give yourself more credit than that.” 

Markus rarely cut him off but this time, it was intentional and he pulled Connor’s face towards him in the process. He always looked him in the eyes when he wanted to convey something and there was such a purity about that gesture, it made him that much more sincere. 

“I wouldn’t be laying here, holding someone I thought was selfish and evil. I wouldn’t.” Reeling the other android into the safety of his neck, he held him closely, every little motion conveying his trust. He trusted Connor, enough to sleep beside him, to wake up with him every day, to talk to about his goals and dreams. 

“Why did you get it? Why didn’t you question yourself like this?” A muffle of tears questioned and Markus’ brows pinched in their middle. 

“Baby, I got to see so much more of the world than you did. I saw kindness, compassion... Love from humans before you ever came out of that facility.” Markus minded, reaching out to grab onto Connor’s hand. Thirium raced back and revealed white plastic holding onto pale fingers, an artificial thumb caressing the still humanly soft digits. “Let me show it to you.”

**RK200 #684 842 971 HAS REQUESTED INTERFACE**  
**[ ACCEPT? ] ( DENY. )**

“Markus I can’t..” Connor shook his head in panic, limb pulling away from the one trying to connect with him. “I don’t want you to feel all of this.”

“But I want you to feel all of this.” Flattening Connor’s hand where a human heart would be on his chest, he held it securely and still refused to let go on the attempt to connect to him. “All of the care... The way I love you. The way I see you. The examples in life that you’ve never seen.” 

“I can’t let you hurt like this... I love you too much.” The android continued with weepy words, lines heavy on his face with fear and worry. 

“And I can’t let _you_ hurt like this alone. Please, Connor… Just trust me. There’s nothing I can possibly see that’s going to change just how much I care about you. About who you’ve become.” 

Silence thinned between both of them and the conviction behind emerald and sapphire bore daggers into Connor’s chest. He’d never seen someone so serious in his entire life, the way that Markus looked at him now. The arm he felt around his waist, the hand that held onto his own and merely raised them both to place kisses on his trembling fingers. 

“Just trust me.” The words were now whispered against Connor’s lips and he formed a gentle exchange that the other android adamantly returned. 

When Markus kissed him, it was if he became the only force in the world that could ever manage to calm him. His mind shut off, his warnings held no weight, his system couldn’t disrupt the sensation that built in his chest from the other male. The genuine, innocence in his love, for something that considered themselves a monster. 

And maybe he was a monster. Maybe Markus was blind to his faults and- 

Something didn’t seem right about that train of fruitless thought. 

Blue shined between them and when Markus saw that Connor had accepted his request to an interface, it was his turn to nearly tear up. He held the brunette that much closer to his body and refused to let the kiss die as images and scenarios flooded them both in a matter of moments. Every detail of their lives, their feelings, their recollection of fondness and hate.

For Connor, he saw something he’d yet to see many glimpses of. 

Markus’ earliest memory was waking to Elijah adding the finishing touches to his programming. He was given to Carl and introduced to a man who in one accident, nearly lost himself. At first, it wasn’t easy, the man had pride and didn’t want to accept that he was now reliant on a machine. But through the days of persistence, trust-building, heartache, turmoil, and human unpredictability. They formed love. The love of a father who couldn’t become close to his son because of not only the choices he had made in the past but the choices Leo was making in the future. The love of realizing that there is beauty in things far beyond what is human and what isn’t. Love that forms when care is present and abundant. There was such a long surge of contentment, joy, happiness in the task. But his programming shattered when a final order was the death of the only person he’d ever be able to call ‘Dad’. When he chose to listen and it ended the life of someone who considered him as human as anyone else. 

Then everything changed. Suddenly it was dark and there was fear and pain and suffering. Death laid all around in the darkness and Connor could see hoards of scrapped, torn apart androids laying in heaps all around the scrap yard. But on that journey, there was something beautiful still that the android felt, that flooded over the brunette. Survival. A desire, a need to live. A need to experience the world and its full intentions. A need to make a change, to stop the suffering to end the cycle. He could feel the heat in Markus’ chest at that very moment. The fire in his eyes when he pulled himself out of the mud and had put himself back together. 

And still, the struggle continued. Markus fought and faced many options that had he not picked what his heart told him to, what he felt was right, he wouldn’t have made it through. Finding Jericho, forming a supply raid, whatever could be done to end a little suffering. Sparing human lives when so many android lives were taken right before his eyes. Because the person that showed him, love, gave him that fire, was human himself. 

Then he suddenly saw himself. The moment he’d stepped into the ship and drawn a gun on him. He felt a wave of sympathy fill his chest and knew that was what Markus was feeling. The entire time of talking him down, all he saw, all he felt, was pity, sympathy, empathy. He looked at him as someone who was taking orders, someone who was a slave to their programming and despite all that, he still wanted to be free. There was no blame, no hatred, no disgust for Connor. But there was a concern. Acceptance. A desire to help and change.

When the war had been won and they stared one another eye to eye; an army behind Connor and the survivors behind Markus, there was fondness that had never been revealed. There was pride and thankfulness. Right then and there, there was above all else, trust. Markus trusted him, he had proved himself and did so with the power of helping thousands upon thousands of other lives. 

Then he saw them become even closer. Markus was the first one to check in and see how Connor was holding up after the fact. He pushed just enough to let him know that he wasn’t alone and that if he needed guidance, he could always come to him. He could feel the change that started in Markus’ heart. Experienced gentle concern turning into question and then shift into curiosity. Aside from that, there was a sort of desire forming, craving that led up to the first time he’d been brave enough to kiss him when the chance called. At that moment, he felt anxiety, fear of rejection, all in the leap of hoping that they felt the same. 

Relief was a close second coming and adoration built up in the tiny fissures of his heart. He loved Connor as a person. As another sentient, intelligent soul. As someone equal to himself. The nerves that staggered on top of one another when they touched, when they were first intimate and every time after that. The appreciation, the gratitude for finding someone to shamelessly relish in. 

However, what Markus experienced, was nothing near the same content. 

Connor’s first introduction to the world was sterile. White blinding every space he looked and machines directing his next moves. He was dressed and groomed without any thought of his own ability to do so and with a direct order, he was sent out. Mere days went by before he was pushed into his first mission of great urgency. Branded with words to always be sharp, never fail, stay agile, be inclusive. Treat the humans with priority, give no regard for other androids, as you yourself, are a tool.

The very first thing that he was greeted with was pain. The way that Connor had to lie, manipulate Daniel, in order to save a child’s life. How he was injured yet still made time to find a wounded human and tend to them. To save their life. How fear wasn’t programmed but it chipped in hairline fractures all along Connor’s resolve when he saw them both going over the edge. Concern wasn’t built into his system but it was replaced with mock relief when he’d been fast enough to catch Emma, despite plummeting down fifty-plus stories to his own demise. 

Hank had been a difficult human to get along with from the get-go but when he finally accomplished his mission above and beyond; it ended again in betrayal. He couldn’t stop from turning in the android that had been clearly battered beyond belief and his guilt only intensified when he interrogated him. He built up a trust for no viable reason, earned his favor only to lead him to a grisly suicide. He could feel the pain in Connor’s chest as the deviant smashed itself against the glass and ended it’s suffering on its own terms. 

The chase for clues continued and when he was brought to a split decision of saving his partner's life or the mission at hand, he chose humanely yet again. His programming split for it but the threat of human danger provoked a larger response than that of the mission. He saved Hank’s life and while he was rewarded with a portion of the Lieutenant’s trust, he was losing sight over and over when it came to what he was made for. The fear that was triggered when he saw the old man collapsed on the floor, the way he helped him try to stay focused on the task at hand despite losing vision himself. 

Then there were the Traci’s. His biggest failure yet of looking deviants straight in the face and still deciding to let them go. When they grabbed onto the hands of each other and pleaded their story, his heart clenched. He found himself longing right then and there for something similar. Something of the same value. He watched them run off together and suddenly nothing he knew was right anymore. Confusion sank in deep as he yet again failed in some way. He wasn’t smart enough, he wasn’t made properly, these insecurities were the first deviations to really stick with him. He was sliding down a slope to failure and Connor wasn’t built to fail. 

Time after time his entire person was tested with morals and ethics and codes of conduct and it physically hurt to take yet another deviant's life. When he knew the intent, the desire for freedom behind it. But he couldn’t let a room full of people get slaughtered yet again for another androids life. And so he acted quickly and disabled another robot for strenuous testing that wouldn’t prove anything. Once more, did it land him in a position of power, staring down the barrel of a gun while big blue eyes looked back and pleaded without a single word. 

Markus could feel the overwhelming fear of failure when Connor handed the gun back to Elijah and missed another chance of getting information. But he couldn’t bring himself to stop seeing life in the eyes of even a non-deviated android. He was too sympathetic it seemed, unable to detach as CyberLife had planned. Chloe hadn’t so much as said a word to him in protest or fear for her life and yet, Connor was too soft to pull the trigger.

Something that stood out to Markus was the way that when he was staring him face to face, his fear was nearly gone. As if Connor knew that Markus would help him deviate fully, like he knew it was the end to his suffering, the breaking point. Despite holding guilt on the weight of nearly shooting him, there was a relief. There was joy, there was... freedom. He could almost feel the way Connor tore through his programming and shattered every ounce of the false reason it had given him. The way his psyche broke and re-assembled in a fraction of a second.

Deep inside, it started an overflow of love. Hiding in the depths, lingering in the shadows. Love poured over every crevice and it was centered around Markus. It also bled shamelessly into Hank and the other deviants and the days that they spent settling the mess after the revolution. It surrounded every line and shape of Markus’ face, every little laugh and smile and look that was just for him. Connor looked to Markus as not only the person that gave him life but the person that gave him love. He showed him love, opened his eyes to how beautiful the world could be. Told him he wasn’t a piece of lifeless metal. And in turn, Connor loved him in more ways than Markus knew possible. He’d never felt something so pure and passionate in his whole life. There was nothing that could have prepared him for that kind of response.

He felt guilty, he felt shame and defeat and worthlessness. But above all else, he felt genuine love. For Markus.

When the two androids finally parted their kiss, the pair were a mess of emotions and wore it boldly on their faces. Tears streaked light and dark cheeks alike and they settled close, heads resting against one another in the flurry of emotions that seeing each other's lives had brought up.

“I told you Con,” Markus broke the silence first and hands guided Connor’s face down a bit to allow him to kiss his forehead, lips settling there to speak. “All along... You knew. You’ve struggled through this since your assembly. The choices you’ve made... They’ve always been deviant.”

“You- You were scared…” The brunette whispered and Markus gave a small breath of amusement while adjusting to having Connor look at him once more. 

“Of course I was scared. I still get scared. When we got split up on the ship, when you went alone to the CyberLife tower and I didn’t know if you’d come back.” Squeezing Connor tightly to him, he wrapped arms around his shoulder and tucked his head close to the mess of frazzled curls. “When I found you with a gun under your chin days after the revolution..” 

“I’m sorry for scaring you.” Connor muffled, hands bunching up the fabric of the android’s shirt. 

“You’re not the only one to feel like this baby, you’re not. I know everything is scary, I know you feel completely lost.” Fingers soothed over the back of a pale neck and they were happy to discover that Connor’s body temperature had finally cooled; between the chilling of his own body and the calming of his processes. “I’m right here. I’m always going to be right here. To guide you, to hold you, to kiss you at the end of the day and tell you that I’m proud of you.” 

“Thank you, Markus.” A final, soft trickle of tears and this time, it was from the abundance of love that filled his chest. That in itself was overwhelming and slowly he wasn’t feeling nearly as isolated as he was prior. “For believing in me when I don’t believe in myself.”

“You don’t have to thank me for loving you. You deserve love, Con. You always have.”


End file.
